No more running

No more running.

It took about 2 full days for the doctor's words to sink in.

I LOVE running. I love the feel of it, the movement, the exercise, and the way I feel when I've finished my run. I love being a runner. I really loved running a road race with Sienna, and was really looking forward to running with both Sienna and Teague this next summer. We had it all planned out.

No more running.

I can do pretty much anything else. And I know I should be thankful for that - and I am. But running was my thing. And I'll never get to do it again. Sure, I could ignore the doctor and run anyway. And have toyed with the thought at times. But I know I'll only be hurting myself in the long run if I do.

Background:

Last May, I had hip preservation surgery. My hip had been hurting so badly I was living on Aleve every 12 hours. It just gradually kept getting worse. It had been hurting to run for awhile - the previous August I had run the road race with Sienna (my final run) - and paid for it afterwards (but it was worth it). Before the surgery they told me they couldn't guarantee I'd be able to run afterwards, but there was a chance. I didn't realize how much I was counting on that chance.

I wasn't going to be able to run - or walk, eventually - without the surgery, so we decided to go ahead. So I had surgery in May - they reshaped the ball of my hip joint, gave me a new labrum, cut my hip bone, moved it, screwed it back together, and did a microfracture procedure to attempt to try to regrow some of the damaged cartilage. I was looking at a full year of recovery time.

It was awful. I knew it would be, but it was worse - for both Erick and I - than we had anticipated. After the surgery, I spent every night for 6 weeks in a machine that slowly moved my leg up and down. I was on two crutches for 6-7 weeks, and then on one for several more. I did Physical Therapy from May until November - that was actually the bright spot, thanks to Leah's encouragement and positive attitude.

Once I got through the first 3-4 weeks post-surgery, I already had less pain than I had before the surgery. By my 8-week check-up I was only taking occasional Tylenol for pain - and not even every day. And now, I walk a mile or two on my lunchbreak - usually pain free. And though I still have a very slight limp, I have been told it will eventually go away as I (slowly) regain my flexibility and build up my strength. So my 6 month check-up seemed like the perfect time to ask my doctor about running.

But the X-rays showed a smaller than normal gap between my hip bone and hip joint. I think this means the microfracture didn't take like they were hoping (though I'm not actually sure). I'm looking at arthritis in my hip, and some movement limitation that I'll probably be stuck with. Thankfully my PTs told me that I should still be able to gain ground from where I am today - whew! It is still not easy to put on socks and shoes.

I still consider the surgery a success. I couldn't have lived with that pain much longer. I still only take Tylenol for pain probably about once a week - and only after I've done something extra.

I never took running for granted. Nearly every time I ran, as I was running, I said a short prayer to God to say thank you. Thank you God for my desire and ability to run. Because I knew not everyone was able to.

So now, if I seem a little depressed after watching someone run past me on the sidewalk, you know why. And all you runners, please appreciate every mile! Know that I wish I were there running with you.